i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
