I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
