You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
