I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
