That's when you crack a 10am beer
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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