I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
