So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
