then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
