I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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