put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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