If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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