You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
