I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
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By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
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How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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