Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
