Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
