just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
