You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
