you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
