If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.