No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??