WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Randomize
