How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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