All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
