i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
