you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
