so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
even my farts smell like vagina
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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