I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Holy shit dude........stairs
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
