i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
