do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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