there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
