I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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