OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
