I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
