My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
