you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Randomize
