This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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