3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
