I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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