you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
