she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
