i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
