yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
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I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
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I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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