I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
