My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
