I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
