so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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