Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
