I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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