I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
