who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
