I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
