1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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