I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
