glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
