I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
