This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
it glows. i had to have it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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