Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
