Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
