I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
