I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize