Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
