If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
