Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
