Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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