In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
