Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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