I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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