Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just google imaged poop.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
